5 Real-Life Love Stories...Including Me and My Husband

As mentioned in a previous post, my husband and I were interviewed by Real Simple Magazine for the February 2012 issue featuring real-life couples and their love stories.  

Image Courtesy of Real Simple
Photo by Gail Albert Halaban

Little did we know that this story was also picked up by MSN. Take a look at our Real-Life Love Story, and let me know what you think!

At What Age Do Children Learn to Manipulate?

Since becoming a mother, I’ve always wondered at what age children learn how to manipulate their parents.  While I’ve never subscribed to the theory that babies can manipulate by crying and expecting to be held all the time (I always hold my babies as often as they need without any fear of spoiling them.), toddlers and preschoolers are a different story.  My oldest daughter, who turns four next week, is such a loving, caring and sweet girl. But, even she has already started honing her manipulation skills.

Is This Sweet Face Really Capable of Manipulation?

Last night we were all sitting down for dinner, when my 21-month-old toddler didn’t seem to be enjoying her meal like she normally does. When I say this girl can eat, I mean it. She can put away some food. In fact, she eats more than her big sister.  

As dinner was coming to a close, I see my toddler growing impatient. Naturally, instead of sitting quietly and waiting for everyone else to finish eating, she starts crying, whining and demanding to be let down from her high chair.  Typical for a toddler...no surprise there. However, at this age, I’ve learned not to jump the second my kids cry or want something. And, it’s not to torture them. I just think it’s beneficial to everyone in the family when a kid begins to learn patience at a young age.  


In any case, my toddler is still learning. So, out of frustration, when we didn’t immediately let her down from her high chair, she began throwing her food on the floor in protest. At that minute, mid-bite what I really wanted to do was yell at the top of my lungs. Instead, I just rolled my eyes, sat quietly and gave the little girl my evil eye while I finished my meal. 

My oldest witnessed this silent exchange and decided to pitch in and help. She started cleaning up the food her sister tossed on the floor without being asked!  My husband stared at her and proudly declared how remarkably helpful she was for picking up her sister’s food. He looked at me for approval, but for some reason I couldn’t agree. Somehow, I knew my oldest had an ulterior motive for picking up the food. Not that she isn’t helpful, but it’s rare for her to volunteer to clean up without a fuss -- particularly when her younger sibling is involved.  

Next, I looked at my oldest child's plate. It was completely clean. She never clears her plate…EVER! And, that night I prepared a new dish she’d never eaten before, so I was even more surprised when she finished her food. Then it clicked!  The little mastermind wanted something in return clearing her plate. And, cleaning up behind her sister was just the one thing she thought would tip the scales in her favor. 


So, after the floor was clear of the discarded food, my oldest joyfully shared that she’d cleaned up all of Tatum’s food. So, she started staring at me lovingly, and almost as if I were talking to a teenager instead of a four-year-old, I just came out and asked what she wanted. She smiled ever so sweetly and asked for candy. How could I say no to that sweet face? Totally manipulated…I gave in, and let her have that candy necklace from the pantry.

After yesterday, I have no doubt in my mind that young children can manipulate their parents, even if they are sweet, loving little beings. But what’s funny is that even when I realized I was being manipulated, I still gave in to my daughter’s sweetness -- thereby allowing her to control me in a way. But, what can I say? At least I didn’t have to sweep the floor.

Dad Shoots Laptop – Is Facebook Humiliation Sensible or Not?

I’m sure by now most people have seen the video of the dad shooting his daughter’s laptop because of a message she posted on Facebook vilifying her parents for assigning too many chores.  It’s went viral online and snippets of it have been covered in local broadcast news. Here’s a link to the video in case you haven’t seen it.

A lot of people have shown support for the Dad while opponents felt he stooped to a child’s level and his rant was excessively violent.  While I can’t really say whether he was right or wrong as I am still parenting toddlers and preschoolers at this point, I do empathize with a parent’s feeling of being at wits' end and willing to try anything discipline wise to get your child’s behavior to change for better.  I am not a fan of brandishing guns, particularly when children are present. However, had one of my daughters posted that venomous message about me and her Dad on Facebook, I am sure I’d be extremely hurt, angry and ready to rip her a new one.  

I think one of my most diplomatic parenting resources, Positive Parenting Solutions, probably offers the sanest opinion on the dad's method of discipline. In many ways, such an extreme response from this father may have irreparably damaged a long-term relationship with his daughter.

 

What do you all think? Do you think the Dad’s actions were justified? Do you agree with how he handled his daughter’s tirade on Facebook? Or, do you think shooting the laptop was too violent? Do you feel Facebook humiliation is an effective way to discipline kids? 

The Rising Cost of Daycare Forces Alternative Working Arrangements

It’s no secret that like all family expenses daycare costs are rising – causing some families to make the difficult choice of both parents working outside the home or one staying at home. With three children not yet school age, my day care expenses would be so exorbitant that both my husband and I would have to be neurosurgeons, professional athletes, celebrities or independently wealthy for us to be able to afford the costs and have a quality of life.

In the article, 5 Reasons One Parent Should Stay Home, the cost of childcare for one child was estimated be about $4,300 per year. I have no idea what market this figure is based on, but in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area where we live that figure is off -- significantly. Just recently, I figured our daycare costs to be about ($30,000 annually for three kids) $10,000 a year per child not including gas, meals, field trips and other school fees. In fact, that's on the low end compared to some other families I know who spend upwards of 25 percent more per child. 

While the article presents a number of compelling reasons why one parent should stay home, money has always been the driving factor for me. It looks like I’ll be kissing my part-time office job goodbye for the next year or two because it doesn't seem prudent to spend $30,000 on daycare. What I will be doing is finding creative ways to manage my time while working my freelance copywriting business. This way I can still earn some money and avoid the expense of daycare for three kids. I have no doubt this will be a challenge, which is why I’m open to any and all suggestions from other work-at-home moms on how best to maximize my time.  


If you're a mom (or dad) who works from home with kids, how do you maximize your time daily? What suggestions do you have for scheduling time for work alongside other responsibilities at home?

To Snip or Not to Snip? That is the Question...

Now that I'm 30 weeks pregnant, I'm on the home stretch. The closer we get to labor and delivery, the more apparent it’s become that the hubby and I need to make some tough decisions on permanent birth control.

As you know, we’re 100 percent certain that with three our family is complete. I can tell you without a doubt that I don’t want my tubes tied. Aside from the long-term complications some women experience after a tubal ligation, I just don’t feel it’s my cup of tea. Seriously, after carrying three babies (for almost 30 months combined) as well as birthing and nursing them (for 24 months and counting), I feel my body has been put through enough turmoil and pain. Frankly, I think it’s time for the other parent get off the bench, get in the game and take one for the team.

We’ve talked about the big V openly. For the sake of privacy, let's just say the idea is on the table. As a man though, I can understand if he's on the fence.  Perhaps, because of signs like this.

image courtesy of GoodMenProject.com

If I saw this, I can’t say I’d be dying to get cut by this guy. Now this one attempts to make it seem like a vacation.  

image courtesy of bitsandpieces.us

Yeah right! A vacation it's not. But, recently it did come to my attention, there are many urology practices nationwide that run vasectomy promotions around Super Bowl weekend. Hey, with Super Bowl XL VI less than seven days away, I wonder what kind of last minute discounts can be had!

I know it’s scary to make light of it, but now I see why some men won’t go through with it and why others are on the fence until they’re shoved off by their wives.

Like some wives, I'm admitting to being on the fence myself. But, not for fear of any surgical complications. I’m sure the reputable urologists out there know how to protect the family jewels. My hesitancy has more to do with this unnerving thought in the back of my mind -- once men have vasectomies they have nothing holding them back from cheating on their spouses because of a built-in protection against pregnancy. 

It's not that I believe in my heart of hearts that my husband will cheat. However, if he's snipped, we have certainly removed a major obstacle if he ever decided to do it. Some would consider this a good reason not go through with it.

After reading this blog post, No Strings Attached, other wives seem to have a different view on the subject. This popular DC mommy blogger mentioned that there are some women who actually take comfort in their husbands’ vasectomies. Why? Because in the event of divorce, he’d no longer be able to have kids with any other woman.  


In this case, a vasectomy is some sort of insurance for the first wife that her kids will always be her husband's (or dare I say ex-husband's) primary focus. Sounds rather conniving and somewhat sinister, if you ask me. Not to mention, self-serving. I mean as married couple, you shouldn't make decisions based on the possibility that you may get divorced. Much to my husband's relief, I can honestly say that this thought has never crossed my mind. And, I think if we posed the reciprocal – men being happy over their wives' tubal ligation because she could no longer produce kids with a new man – women would be up in arms.

So, ladies and gentlemen what do you think? Is it wrong to be happy about a man’s vasectomy because he can’t reproduce with another woman? Or, is it natural to feel this way? And, for those on the fence about vasectomies, has the possibility of cheating ever entered your mind and made you reconsider? 

Check Out the February Issue of Real Simple Magazine

In case you're interested, check out the February issue of Real Simple Magazine. My husband and I are featured in an article on how couples met. (p. 114) The article is heartwarming and pretty cool, if I do say so myself. The whole experience from the interview to the photo shoot was a treat. We'll even have a library of photos from the shoot that will be keepsakes for a lifetime.  You can pick up a copy of Real Simple at your local newsstand, Whole Foods or Barnes and Noble.

Thanking Our Lucky Stars

Yesterday was one of the scariest days I’ve had as a mom. And, if you’re a parent, particularly of older kids, then you’ve probably had a similar day at some point. You know, one of those days where something happened that could have easily changed your life for the worse. But luckily, things didn’t turn out to be so bad after all.

That morning like most Tuesdays, I had to do a morning drop off at the kids’ daycare and preschool, so I could go to work. The night before it had snowed ever so lightly, leaving a slippery film on the sidewalk. Earlier that morning, I walked outside to pack up the car with the various bags, backpacks, lunch bags and dance bags that we normally require every Tuesday. This was done all before strapping the girls into the car in their respective car seats.

When the girls and I came outside, my 4-year-old walked in front of me as she so often does, and I carried my youngest in my arms – against her will of course. She much prefers walking on her on, but at 20 months old, it’s much easier and quicker to just carry her. At least for me, carrying a toddler was much easier before I was seven months pregnant.  In any case, all three of us emerged from our front door as we do on any ordinary day. As I walked down the steps at normal pace, the wet ground didn’t feel slippery at all until I got to the very last step. What happened next occurred so fast that I am still trying to figure out how it happened. As I stepped onto the last step, my foot slipped out from under me so quickly that I completely lost my balance, falling to the ground while holding my daughter.

As we both hit the ground, I awkwardly on my arm and leg, and her supine mostly shielded by my body. I looked in horror trying to protect her, but I just couldn’t. When my daughter hit the ground, her head --  the most fragile part of her -- hit the concrete. She immediately started screaming and crying, and I began to panic – fearing I’d injured her.  With every ounce of energy I could muster, I pulled my pregnant body of the ground, hoisting my child up in the process. While my oldest stood frozen in fear, all I could do was hold my youngest in my arms while she cried…and cried for what seemed like forever.  

Naturally, I feared the worse. What if she had a concussion? Or, worse yet what if I’d caused a lifelong head injury? I mean her head did hit the concrete, and a very pregnant mother just fell on top of her.  I kept holding her while she cried, and then I began lightly rubbing her head trying to feel for any impressions, indents or cuts. I parted her hair to look through her scalp for any blood. I found nothing.After about the longest four minutes of our lives, she stopped crying, and just stared at me with her usual content expression – blinking normally.  I wasn’t sure what to do next – I just knew I didn’t want to let her go.

My oldest asked if her sister was okay, and then mentioned something about my earring being on the ground. A neighbor then walked over to check on us.  Still emotional and stunned, I began to tear up thinking this whole thing was my fault.  Had I just allowed my baby to walk to the car, then none of this would have happened. What was I thinking trying to carry a 25-pound little girl while seven months pregnant? Talk about ill-thought decisions. Talk about mommy guilt.

After about 10 minutes of sitting on the porch hugging my youngest, praying for forgiveness and making small talk with my oldest to put her at ease, it appeared we had avoided a major tragedy. So, I put the girls in the car, then wondered if I should drive to the emergency room just to be sure everything was okay with my daughter’s head. No sooner than we pulled out of the driveway, my youngest starts cackling with laughter at something my oldest said to her. I breathed a sigh of relief, and at that moment had some reassurance that everything was going to turn out okay. My daughter was acting like her normal self even after that horrible fall. She appeared alert and ready to start her day.

After dropping off my oldest at preschool, I called the pediatrician’s office to see if I could get my youngest in to be seen by the doctor. To make a long story short, my daughter was evaluated by her doctor who found no damage to her head. 

We stayed home that day – just the two of us -- so I could keep an eye out for any latent symptoms as a result of the fall. My daughter was totally fine for the rest of the day, but clearly loving all the extra attention she was getting since I was watching her closely every second. I was emotional for the rest of the day – filled with gratitude, relief and even uncertainty.  I thought about a number of things that day. Namely, how thankful I was that our daughter escaped the fall unscathed.  I would never have forgiven myself if I hurt her and caused irreparable damage, which could have negatively impacted her life. Yeah, I know it was an accident, but as a mom I think we’ll always feel guilt even when things happen even beyond our control. 

Finally, I also thought about how that day would likely be one of the last times my youngest -- soon to be middle child -- and I would be able to spend time alone together before the baby is born in a few weeks. It made me sad in some way as I don’t want her to feel like she’s lost her place in our family.  

Yesterday was enough to scare me for a lifetime. It is unfortunate that we as moms can’t keep days like that from ever happening. But one thing’s for certain, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure (Benjamin Franklin).  I think from now on I’ll just listen to my daughter and allow her to walk to the car on her own.